against_theskyy

I'M LEAVING FOR THE BEACH IN 2 DAYS WITH KAYLEIGH JP TYLER AND NICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'M SO FRIGGIN PUMPEDDDDDD.


i'm optimistic about summer.

i had a wonderful long weekend.

it started out with some bad luck though.






..but then it ended with kennyyywoooddd!!

( pictures. )

i'm ready for a big change.
i need some excitement.
i love having girlfriends that i'm close to (even though lesbo jess kind of gets a little too close sometimes..haha).
i miss everyone in cranberry. i'm sick of saying that.
i miss long hair so much.
i'm ready for summer.
i'm ready to graduate.
i'm ready to move on.

prom! :]

when i was putting together my english portfolio today, this caught me completely off guard.



It was mid-July then, the whole summer lying ahead of us with its endless possibilities. We were falling into our already familiar routines and traditions, though they were still so new. We felt consistently infinite, in every day, hour, and second of that summer. So much good had already come to all of us, just by our meeting, and we felt blessed and were aware of this blessing in that small corner of our minds that was usually overshadowed by the more obvious feelings of contentment, youth, and simple happiness.
Looking back on it now, I can still smell that scent that can only be accurately described as summer, for lack of a definite word. That strange, new scent at the end of May that grows stronger, but somehow less noticeable towards the depth of summer. It was strengthened and mixed with the smell of the sun baking the dandelions, the overly-chlorined pools, and the warm lotions on our skin. They grew to slowly surround us, all of these summer feelings, from the almost unnoticeable scent to the feel of the sun on our shoulders.
We didn’t just have the cliché feelings in our summer. We had more than that. I can still feel the rush of warm air beneath my legs as we lived on that rusty swingset in the wooded area of that park. Ironically, I had never gone there when I was young, but we had somehow been attracted to it then, to the thick trees, endless trails, and those swings that we would soon claim as our own.
As I look back, I don’t only see it, but I hear it: from the first “hello’s” to the clumsy, sad “goodbye’s”. But mainly, it’s the laughter. The laughter filled our days and nights back then, and it was what bonded all of us in the first place. Acoustic guitar singalongs in the backseats of packed cars and the living rooms of houses flood my memories, and I feel the old smiles come back.
I still taste it, too. There was that small, undiscovered ice cream shop at the beach that we frequented every day. We fell in love with the cookie dough sundaes and pop in glass bottles. We survived off of typical summer food, though we barely had time to be hungry at all.
I see that summer every day now, in the constant slideshow of memories in my head. I see that swingset, that beach, those people. I feel it in every part of my life, and I’m thankful for the remembrance.

break was sweet.
i don't really remember what i did.
I SAW ADDIE AND LAUREN AND SWEET CRANBERRY PEOPLEEEE.
gah thank the lord.
i didn't see enough people out here.
plans always seem to fall through.
gaygay.

so today i didn't go to school because i'm having trouble breathing (YES I HAVE ASTHMA. I'M GAY.)
i had to go to the emergency room last night.
it was scary.

jp and i didn't go to school today.
we went to washington park and we sat on the swingset and we talked.
we talked about last summer.
we talked about the people who we used to sit on that swingset with.
it made me so sad.
we went from being together every day, the whole group of us, to splitting and dividing into smaller groups that don't make sense.
its understandable that everyone has other people that they hang out with, but there's no reason for this.
i thought that this summer meant so much, and it's just kind of been proven that to everyone else, it really didn't.

we're so close to summer again.
i just wish i could look forward to it being a reunion.

i didn't get to see dan before he left, and i'm really really upset about that.
i don't want him to go at all.
i get really sad when i think about it.

i need to see addie and lena next weekend.
everyone else also.

this weekend was good.
southside on friday with my favorites,
work saturday, then enp with everyone.

i can't wait until summer.

there's still too much drama here.
even though i've kind of learned to detach myself from it,
it's still constantly there.
fuck that.
i need purity in my relationships.

this was the best weekend in a long time.

friday i went to the andy warhol museum with jp, kayleigh, and barron. it was amazing. i really was in heaven.

saturday me and jp and kayleigh made a long drive. we met halfway with addie, lena, dan, greg, jason, spencer, and new boy jeff. oh my. i haven't seen any of them in like a month (minus greg) and i was just sososo happy. we caught up at enp and just laughed a lot. i miss all of them.
dan is moving and that makes me so sad.
don't go.
i'll miss you and that kitty.

i love a lot of people.

it felt like summer today.